This one is about the kinky cow catwalk. Just got a call from my Canadian cousin in India, and the most interesting subject that was sparked in our conversation involved the farmland animal that produces bondage costumes and Nike trainers, which is the cow. Of course since India is such an awkward country, cows are not made to line up at meat processing factories, so their flesh can be used to make maccy d's or doccy T's, but instead they are worshipped. That’s right folks, in India, a country with more than a handful of brilliant minds, the general consensus is that cows are meant to be worshipped and are given just as much freedom as any human, IF NOT, MORE. In case you didn't know, the caste system in India still has its precedence in the social network of India and people of different castes aren't meant to meet, never mind marry and each caste has its own community. The lowest of all castes is sometimes noted for being "untouchable", most probably since the untouchable caste in India lives on the streets and does the dirty work of cleaning the streets and begging. If an untouchable was lying on a street, either out of protest or because he was tired, push would come to shove and someone from a high caste will not give a shit and run him over. No kidding folks. Now Imagine that situation with the holiest of holy, the cow lying on the street, being arrogant and stupid as all animals are* Now if a person wanted to get past this cow, he would have to stop the car, turn off the engine, take out the yoga mat out of the trunk, lay out the mat before the cow and meditate on the mantra "get out of my way, get out of my way, get out of my way..", when the cow does move, which he does after a couple of days, the man makes an offering of spermatozoa to the cow so that his future generations will be fertile. If the cow is moved by human hands, not only will the town suffer years of retribution, but the authorities will be notified and by the end of the day you will be a dead man. Bart: Don’t have a cow, man. *Except for you Jessie, tears roll down my face as I remember you. My lovely albino Guinea pig, how I miss you. :(
Anyways I digress, lately I’ve been watching a lot of movies, in fact I hardly go a day without watching a new movie at the end of the day. This is due to the fact that the university library hosts a wide variety of Movies, as well as the fact that I don’t go to the strip club every night snorting crack out of some hoes poonani, whilst shpunking all over everyone in the club like I should. it’s a sad life that I lead.
I haven't posted anything as of lately and it will probably be a week before I post another article, so I will leave you with a funny clip from the comedy big train in the meanwhile;
Hello, my name is Steven and I like horses. I was brought up in a rural town called Coventry and My family owned a large farm which hosted a wide variety of animals. Being around animals at the age of puberty, influenced my sexual preference for animals, particularly horses. I love horse cock. One time for a Birthday present, my friend Harry trained my horse to bang me in unexpected circumstances, for example when I am sleeping. I’ve never been happier and still crave for some of that horse sex now that I’m in Uni. At school, I brought a badger to school and it died there and then. It made me question the reality of our universe and I got into deep philosophical discussions with my sister who was 3 years old. I was baffled by questions like “why do we have 5 fingers” and I am blown away by the fact that humans have legs. What’s the point of having legs when we can travel by vehicle just fine? My friend Kj, says its got something to do with evolution, but why would having legs have anything to do with a sports car? I think the greatest invention ever created would have to be clothes. I mean when we were living with the dinosaurs, I never would have thought that the fluff on animals would have made us warm. Its funny when I think about humans making our clothes out of animal fluff, because afterwards they are the ones that need clothes. Because they are cold, obviously... My parents have always told me that I was a smart boy and I believe that too. I mean an IQ of 70 must be quite something. A big number.
A hand reached from the sky and slapped me hard in the face. This was the slap of reality waking me up from my deep sleep. It was 4:30 and I was annoyingly interrupted from my slumber by the second fire alarm drill this week. That’s the arse throbbing part about living on campus, since most university students are irresponsible and are susceptible to starting fires whilst in drunken stupor. Well at least that’s what the administrators think, and by forcing us out of our rooms in the middle of the night, they will be reassured that we would know the correct means of fire escape. If one were actually stubborn enough to stay in their room, not only would they have blood pouring out of their ears due to the unnecessary decibel crunching noise of the fire alarm, but their ears will probably be ringing for the resting of their lives, making them oblivious to all background sounds, as well impairing their other senses since the ringing is so damn loud. On the other hand, standing outside in your pyjamas for a good 20 minutes in the cold isn’t good for you as well. Either its losing your sense of hearing or your genitals being embellished in frost, so you won’t be able to use it anymore. I think I would rather choose the later, since I can always get a knob transplant to replace my shrivelled 1 inch knob. Anyways, this weekend has been a rather uneventful one. I’ve acquired possession of my parents house and it feels like an empty cage, with no one around and nothing much to occupy myself with except to talk to the Kitchen appliances that seem to have a comprehensive grasp of the English language. I may need to see a doctor about that.
